so I guess you could say it's getting pretty serious

So yes, I’m in yoga teacher training right now. And they told us to keep a journal and I am, a Moleskin in fact (I know that I am like a total walking post on stuffwhitepeoplelike.com) and in that journal I jot down my thoughts after taking yoga class and that’s all well and good, but I feel as though maybe a blog might be appropriate in this situation. Because you know, I’m all about assignments and accountability, and also, I can type way faster and neater than I can handwrite. Also, I think this blog might be kind of a nice resource, for my friends and family who don’t want me dropping “om shanti shantis” and “namastes” left and right at the dinner table. I am realizing with each day that passes in this training that the things I’m learning are pretty profound and they might lose a little meaning, or at the least sound kind of drippy, as I chatter about them over of a plate of pizza. It’s not that I’m self conscious about embracing some of the yogic philosophies in my every day, it’s just that I’m also mindful of how people are, and sometimes, they just wanna chat and don’t need to discuss the meaning of life before 10:00 a.m.



You see this past weekend, we had our first all day class session and this particular class was concentrated on the philosophy surrounding yoga and how that relates to our responsibility as teachers. As we discussed this and as I listened to a ridiculously entertaining, yet thoroughly compelling lesson from Jacqui Bonwell I had this thought: this is big. Huge. Bigger than I thought and I am pretty amped about it. If you are someone who enjoys practicing yoga, you may or may not know by now that it is, in fact, something more meaningful than just getting arms like Jennifer Aniston. The physical benefits are fantastic, don’t get me wrong, I don’t have “nana” arms for the first time in my life and wouldn’t you even know it, my thighs are toned, but this thing, this practice is big. The well being that comes from dedicated practice is a feeling I haven’t had in quite some time, as the years get older and my tension and anxiety buttons get moderately more sensitive with every traffic jam, every day in front of the computer, every photocopier jam. See I started this thing out thinking, “at the very, very best maybe this teacher training will facilitate a career move for me. At the very least, I know I’ll probably get wicked buff.” On Saturday afternoon as I listened to this woman sharing her journey with us, and really absorbing her particular advice that if you really want to be the kind of teacher that moves people, you need to do the work yourself. Practice everyday. I’ve never done anything every day. My life (and my spare bedroom) is a collection of good intentions, craft projects, stretched but unprimed canvases, reworked but unsent out resumes. Every day? Do I have this in me? I realized that this is a gigantic responsibility and for the first time in a long time, I want more than anything to succeed at this challenge. I’ve been sitting back, going through the motions, having fun when I can and hating my job in all the moments in between, feeling only truly happy when doing one of three things: practicing yoga, enjoying time with someone I love, or in my kitchen cooking. Is the contentment and happiness they say is possible, possible? Can I quiet my mind? Because my mind is wicked loud and good lawd, I’ve got a lot of work to do here.

Photo by Nandi Alexander, March 2007.