"when you were born you cried and the whole world rejoiced. live your life so that when you die the world cries and you rejoice."

cherokee saying

the hardest part

I must confess I am truly terrible at savasana. Last night I arrived at a class early, so I lay down in corpse pose, wanting to just clear my mind and get focused on my practice. In the 10 minutes that I lay there I planned- from start to finish- a barbecue for my yoga teacher training classmates. It would be in June, maybe the weekend after we finish, everyone would be invited, including significant others. We'd start early, so as not to have too late of a party given the fact I live next door to my elderly landlords and I wouldn't want to keep them up all night. Should I tell everyone tomorrow night? The menu would be mostly vegetarian. Grilled veggie kabobs, yes and perhaps just snacks and appetizers. Oh, and I'll invite our instructors.

Then class began and I was able to truly clear my mind, simply focusing on breath, movement and physical sensations as I was led through a truly tough class focusing on expanding through the sides of our bodies. The practice itself demanded so much of my focus, I can honestly say the only thoughts in my head were about physical placement of limbs and the thought "wooooo this burns!" Yeow. At the end of it all I was exhausted.

When all was said and done I took a spinal twist and lay, completely spent, in my corpse pose. My hands were open, palms up, feet splayed out to the side, lower jaw relaxed. I tried my usual savasana tricks to quiet my chatty mind. Like focusing on my third eye, and then just counting my breath. And then you know what I did, I planned a full trip out to L.A. to visit my sister before her baby comes. Just to squeeze in one last visit before her (and my) life changes forever by the addition of a new little bundle. I mean, seriously, I was calculating flight costs in my head. I truly suck at savasana. It's the hardest part of the practice for me.

slackasana

Oh hi. Remember me. I met you in October? And then I never called again. Sorry about that. As a matter of fact working a full time job and doing teacher training and additional other training and still finding time to cook, read, shower, take pictures of jellyfish and hang out with my loved ones is virtually impossible.



I have avoided coming here because I haven't held up my end of the bargain. I have always been truly terrible at keeping journals. I always INTEND to but when it comes down to it, I have about seven lovely hardcover journals in my bookcase which have about four entries and then my thoughts vanish into the ether. It's just the way I'm built. I have grown to accept it.

The thing is with this Yogi Dickens forum, is I do have regrets about my complete and total slacker performance here. I have been learning oh so much. I have taught my first class. I have almost gotten into a headstand.

As I glanced at this today I had a new thought, or rather, just a slight shift in focus. If I make an effort to simply share something a couple days a week on here, I am doing my job. After all, I'm the boss and if I'm willing to take myself back after a self-imposed five month vacation, well then I don't see why anyone else should have a problem with it, right? Right. Stay tuned for simple musings, tid bits of inspiration, total nonsense blabberings and all things in between.

I just realized somethin...

See I never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever enjoyed physical exercise. Oh, I didn’t mind if you asked me to go for a walk but if there was any whiff of competition involved, like balls or bats or sprints or anything like that, I basically started running through excuses at the first mention. Organized sports give me panic. Gym class was my nemesis from grades K through 12 and I have the abysmal President’s Challenge score cards to prove it. Running the mile was something I dreaded from the first day of school on. Favorite gym class activity: taking a zero.

So I just had to touch base on here real quick to share something. I, Jess Pithie, am about to go to a power yoga class at 5:30 on a FRIDAY night. This might not be a big deal for somebody else, but for me, the fact that my immediate post work activity does not involve cocktails is a bit of a milestone. The other night, I actually practiced before I even thought about what to cook for dinner, and I usually think about what I'm going to cook for dinner as I'm finishing my breakfast. Go me.

so I guess you could say it's getting pretty serious

So yes, I’m in yoga teacher training right now. And they told us to keep a journal and I am, a Moleskin in fact (I know that I am like a total walking post on stuffwhitepeoplelike.com) and in that journal I jot down my thoughts after taking yoga class and that’s all well and good, but I feel as though maybe a blog might be appropriate in this situation. Because you know, I’m all about assignments and accountability, and also, I can type way faster and neater than I can handwrite. Also, I think this blog might be kind of a nice resource, for my friends and family who don’t want me dropping “om shanti shantis” and “namastes” left and right at the dinner table. I am realizing with each day that passes in this training that the things I’m learning are pretty profound and they might lose a little meaning, or at the least sound kind of drippy, as I chatter about them over of a plate of pizza. It’s not that I’m self conscious about embracing some of the yogic philosophies in my every day, it’s just that I’m also mindful of how people are, and sometimes, they just wanna chat and don’t need to discuss the meaning of life before 10:00 a.m.



You see this past weekend, we had our first all day class session and this particular class was concentrated on the philosophy surrounding yoga and how that relates to our responsibility as teachers. As we discussed this and as I listened to a ridiculously entertaining, yet thoroughly compelling lesson from Jacqui Bonwell I had this thought: this is big. Huge. Bigger than I thought and I am pretty amped about it. If you are someone who enjoys practicing yoga, you may or may not know by now that it is, in fact, something more meaningful than just getting arms like Jennifer Aniston. The physical benefits are fantastic, don’t get me wrong, I don’t have “nana” arms for the first time in my life and wouldn’t you even know it, my thighs are toned, but this thing, this practice is big. The well being that comes from dedicated practice is a feeling I haven’t had in quite some time, as the years get older and my tension and anxiety buttons get moderately more sensitive with every traffic jam, every day in front of the computer, every photocopier jam. See I started this thing out thinking, “at the very, very best maybe this teacher training will facilitate a career move for me. At the very least, I know I’ll probably get wicked buff.” On Saturday afternoon as I listened to this woman sharing her journey with us, and really absorbing her particular advice that if you really want to be the kind of teacher that moves people, you need to do the work yourself. Practice everyday. I’ve never done anything every day. My life (and my spare bedroom) is a collection of good intentions, craft projects, stretched but unprimed canvases, reworked but unsent out resumes. Every day? Do I have this in me? I realized that this is a gigantic responsibility and for the first time in a long time, I want more than anything to succeed at this challenge. I’ve been sitting back, going through the motions, having fun when I can and hating my job in all the moments in between, feeling only truly happy when doing one of three things: practicing yoga, enjoying time with someone I love, or in my kitchen cooking. Is the contentment and happiness they say is possible, possible? Can I quiet my mind? Because my mind is wicked loud and good lawd, I’ve got a lot of work to do here.

Photo by Nandi Alexander, March 2007.